Turning “Don’t” into Directions That Work

Cracking the AlzCode: Turning “Don’t” into Directions That Work

A single word can make all the difference—swap “don’t” for clear, positive instructions that help your loved one with Alzheimer’s succeed.

If you’ve ever told your loved one with Alzheimer’s, “Don’t touch that” or “Don’t go over there,” you’re not alone. Most of us lead with what not to do—especially when life feels chaotic. But here’s the surprising truth: the word “don’t” can make it harder for someone with Alzheimer’s to follow your direction.

In this post, we’ll share why “don’t” doesn’t land, how we’ve retrained ourselves to give positive instructions, and simple swaps you can try today.

How We Broke the Habit of Saying “Don’t”

The other day, I caught my dad saying, “Don’t touch that” to my mom.

Not in a harsh way—just…out of habit.

Since retiring, he’s home more often. And like most of us, his first instinct is to lead with what not to do:

“Don’t get up yet.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Don’t go over there.”

It makes total sense. We all do it—especially when things feel a little chaotic.

But here’s what we’ve learned (the hard way):

The word “don’t” doesn’t work the way we think it does.

Why “Don’t” Doesn’t Land

When someone has Alzheimer’s, their brain takes longer to process language. So when you say:

“Don’t touch that.”

Their brain has to:

Picture the action (touching it)
Stop themselves (which is hard)
Guess what they should do instead.

That’s a lot of mental steps. Too many, in fact.

But if you say:

“Here—hold this instead.”

Now they have one clear, positive direction.
No decoding. No guessing. Just doing.

It’s not just easier—it’s kinder. It helps your loved one succeed.

How We Started Changing Our Language

We’re not perfect. Kevin and I still catch ourselves slipping. However, we’ve improved at providing positive, straightforward directions that guide rather than confuse.

Here are a few swaps that work with our mom:

Instead of

“Don’t go over there!”
“Don’t yell!!”
“Don’t touch that!”

Try saying

“Let’s sit here a little longer.”
“Let’s use our inside voice.”
“Here—hold this instead.”

They may seem small, but these shifts make processing easier. And that makes everyone calmer.

Try This Today

Pick just one “don’t” you say on repeat—and flip it into a “do.”
Test it out. Watch what happens.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about giving your loved one a more straightforward path forward.

And if your co-caregiver tends to lead with “don’t” too? Share this gently. We did. ❤️

Let’s Keep the
Conversation Going!

If you found this tip helpful, you’ll love the everyday strategies and real-life moments we share on Instagram. It’s where we post quick videos, simple swaps, and behind-the-scenes glimpses of caring for our mom in ways that keep her engaged, mobile, and thriving.

📸 Follow us here: @AlzGoodHealth