How to Talk to Your Loved One’s Neurologist

The first time I went to my mom’s neurologist appointment, I thought I was just there to fill in a few blanks. But I quickly realized I needed to be her translator, historian, and advocate—all in just 30 minutes.

When someone you love has Alzheimer’s, doctor visits aren’t just routine check-ins—they’re your moment to speak up for them and help the doctor understand what life really looks like between appointments.

But here’s the tricky part: most neurologists only see their patients twice a year. That’s one hour out of 8,760. So, how do you make that one hour count?

The Challenge

Most of us are used to going to the doctor for quick fixes. You describe your symptoms, get a diagnosis, and leave with a prescription—end of story.

But Alzheimer’s doesn’t work like that.

With a chronic illness, the conversation has to shift. It’s not about solving a single issue—it’s about tracking change, adjusting care, and helping the doctor understand how your loved one is doing over time.

In my mom’s case, those appointments are just 30 minutes every six months. Her neurologist is fantastic, but there’s no way to capture everything in such a short time, especially when memory loss makes it harder for my mom to describe what’s changed.

That’s when I realized that if we wanted genuinely personalized care, I needed to help fill in the gaps, not just by sharing what’s gotten harder but by highlighting what she can still do because what she can do often matters most.

The Solution: A Simple Update That Makes a Big Impact

A few days before every appointment, I send her neurologist a one- to two-page update. It’s not fancy—but it’s a powerful snapshot of what’s changed, what’s working, and what support we need.

This one small step has completely changed the quality of our appointments. The doctor walks into the appointment informed. We spend less time reviewing basics and more time making decisions. And best of all, it helps her doctor connect more personally with my mom.

Here’s the format I use—feel free to copy and adapt it to fit your needs:

Quick Highlights

Start with a warm, big-picture summary—like the headline version of how things are going.

Are they in good spirits? Still social? Sleeping well?
Any noticeable changes in mood, memory, or physical abilities?
Have there been any falls, wandering, or episodes of confusion?

Neurological & Cognitive Health

This section gives the doctor a clearer picture of how your loved one functions daily. It’s important to note that someone can experience cognitive decline and still be high-functioning in many areas—something the doctor needs to know.

How’s their memory, communication, or ability to solve problems?
Can they still manage everyday tasks like making coffee, brushing their teeth, or folding laundry?
Are there clearer days—and do you notice any patterns or triggers?

General Medical Update

Alzheimer’s often overlaps with other health concerns. This section gives the doctor a complete view.

Any changes in vision, hearing, dental health, UTIs, or other chronic conditions?
Reactions to medications or recent procedures?
Any new health concerns since the last visit?

Lifestyle and Support

Paint a picture of daily life and support systems. It’s helpful for the doctor to understand that even with cognitive decline, your loved one may still be high-functioning in certain areas. Be sure to highlight what they can do.

How often are they exercising? (For example, we walk 3–5 times a week for 30 minutes—it helps with mood and mobility.)
Who’s providing support? (Family, friends, caregivers?) What does that support look like? (e.g., weekly calls, shared hobbies, daily help)
What tasks can they do independently, like setting the table, doing laundry, or making breakfast?
Which ones now require step-by-step guidance?
Any helpful tools or routines—sticky notes, visual checklists, Tile trackers, or alarms?

Family Update

This section might seem optional, but it’s one of the most valuable. Sharing a few life updates helps the doctor connect more personally. Think of it as a conversation starter that makes visits feel more human.

Recent trips, celebrations, or family visits
Favorite hobbies or weekly routines
Even small joys—baking cookies or singing with grandkids—can spark meaningful conversations.

Questions for the Doctor

Use this space to note anything you’d like to ask, especially things that might be difficult to bring up in front of your loved one.

Are there any changes to medications we should consider?
How do we prepare for future challenges (e.g., managing asthma when my mom can’t use her inhaler)?
Can you help us interpret the most recent test results?

💡 Pro Tip: Keep a “Care Notes” Journal

Keep a small notebook or note app where you jot down quick observations throughout the month. You’ll be surprised by how helpful those details are when writing your update.

The Outcome

These updates have made a real difference. They help my mom’s neurologist see what’s happening between visits—patterns, progress, and shifts that wouldn’t otherwise come up.

They relieve the pressure of remembering everything on the spot. I can be present and focused, knowing the doctor already has the complete picture.

Sometimes, something I mention casually—like my mom having night sweats—is medically essential. It opens up new conversations and allows the doctor to connect the dots I didn’t even realize were there. This approach empowers me as a caregiver, making me feel more in control and confident in our care plan.

Want to Try It? Here’s a Free Template

To simplify things, I created a free template you can copy and personalize for your next appointment.

👉 Click here to download the Neurologist update template

Final Thoughts

If you’re caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, I hope this post gives you a helpful framework for communicating with your loved one’s neurologist. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect, just present. Your insights matter more than you know. You’re not just filling in the blanks but helping connect the dots. Following these steps and using the provided template can paint a clear picture of your loved one’s life and lead to more compassionate, personalized care.